Road Trip (leaving Arizona)

Deciding to come on a road trip was a difficult decision.

I worried about having a freak-out moment and being so far away from home.

I hemmed and I hawed about it and finally convinced myself that I could do it.

I packed some medication that helps me calm down in the event of an anxiety attack.

I ran through some scenarios about what I could do, who I could call etc.

And there you have it.

I drove, and drove, and drove some more.

There so many things that I love about Arizona.

I love the sunshine, the roads, the people, and the familiarity.

I visited my old psychiatrist Dr. Leicken

(amazing doctor I highly recommend him)

I saw Loraine.

I hung out with a couple army veterans and talked about how far we have come in the last 5 years.

I visited with family.

I enjoyed people and places that I love and miss.

...but there are things that are hard in Arizona.

The memories and the triggers are hard.

In the end....

Things don't always happen the way I plan them out in my mind.

I forgot to pack my emergency anxiety medication so I was runing on over-load.

I was staying up late reminicing about some of the good...I mean bad ole' days,

I wasn't sleeping well and was completely over-stimulated.

I broke down in tears.

Tears of anger.

Tears of sorrow.

Tears of leave me a lone.

All I wanted to do was get in the car and leave.

but I didn't

not then anyway

I sent the kids to the zoo with their cousins.

I called my my mom and cried.

I tood a nap.

And I made up my mind to leave when the kids got back.

I booked a hotel somewhere in New Mexico and left.

And it was good. 

Because we jumped on the bed.