Dress Right, Dress

Just so you know...
For those of us with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...
Sometimes we struggle with issues regarding Safety, Trust, Power and Control, Esteem and Intimacy. 
Today I want to focus on Power and Control. 

Sometimes I want it to be "My way or the highway."

After living through events where I have had no control over what happened to me or my body, I have become hyper vigilant. 
It's like being super aware of the things that are going on around me.
Sometimes I pick a certain spot at a restaurant just so I can observe my surroundings.  I may be paying so much attention to what is going on around me, that I can't make a decision about what drink to order.
(Water is always fine.)
I startle easily at things some people wouldn't even notice.
I am on Alert!
My body is telling me that I am in danger, even if I am perfectly safe.

I cannot control what happens to my body.
The nightmares will come unexpectedly.
I  won't know why my heart is beating faster,
all of a sudden I feel my skin start to prickle as the rate of my breathing increases.
I feel clammy, and sometimes sick to my stomach.
Sometimes I feel like crying.

My brain is sounding the alarm.
"Invasion!"
"Take Cover!"
"Help the wounded!"
"Prepare for a mass casualty!"
"...there will be death..."
"Shut off your heart and focus, let your training take over."
That doggone brain or mine is having chemical warfare in my body, and I can't figure out why.

I don't know why this is happening until I look up and see a med evac helicopter that I hadn't noticed cruising overhead.
I didn't see it or hear it, but somehow my body registered the sound and associated it with memories of the past.
Or I identify an odor that brings back a particular memory.
Or the neighbors are shooting off fireworks to celebrate a special occasion.
Or my kiddos jumps on me when I am in a relaxed state.
 

Because of this, sometimes I want to be in total control of what happens in my life.

Is this possible? No...There are WAAAAAAAAY to many variables.

However, I still have the opportunity to choose.

So I choose to meticulously load my dishwasher.

Some of the things that have happened to me in my life, I can't change.

I can't wish, hope, or will them away.

They are what they are.

I am who I am because of my experiences.

I can still choose how I will react, regardless of what my body is telling me.
I can slow my breathing,
I can tell myself that I am safe,
I can distract myself,
 

I cannot change my past, but I still have a choice about what I will do with my future.

And sometimes I choose to exercise my power and control over my flatware.  

It will bow to my every whim, because not only do I will it,
I LOAD IT!
(most of the time)

If I want my plates, forks, spoons, knives and cups to obey my will, 

I simply have to put them where I want them.
They don't care.

On the OCD side of things you may ask....?

Maybe,
Helpful...Debatable.
My choice....absolutely!

For those of you wondering what it means to "Dress Right, Dress"
It basically means having everything in a perfect row looking nice.

Please enjoy the video below.