Decade

Have I seriously lived long enough to be talking in Decades?  

10 years!

10 years since I landed on the other side of the world.  

(My first Sunrise in Kuwait)

Did you know that it is cold in Kuwait in February?

Trust me, it is.

We left Fort Hood Texas and flew to Boston to Refuel.

From Boston to Frankfurt Germany.

(On the way home it was the first place I flushed a "real" toilet after months in the sand)

And then we flew from Germany to Kuwait.

Before landing the pilot turned off all the lights so we would have a blacked out landing.

It felt a little creepy.

When we landed and departed the plane there were several men in special ops units standing around with some serious weaponry.

We took a darkened bus to Camp Arifjan.

After several hours of briefings (which I can't remember),

The sun rose on the middle east, and I witnessed one of the most beautiful sunrises.

That's one neat thing about the desserts of Kuwait and Iraq; Their sky's are absolutely incredible.

The midnight sky is filled with stars.

The mornings are ripe with color.

And the evening sun brings comforting colors to a chaotic day.

When I arrived in Kuwait, I thought that I was going to pull medical coverage for other units who were training in Kuwait.

Little did I know I was headed for war.

Ten Years!

 Today I had a surprise visit from some Arizona cousins.

They were coming to ski it The Canyons and ended up coming to dinner afterwards.

 I made fresh arugula and pear salad to start,

followed by a dinner of butternut squash ravioli, and sides that included summer squash with Italian seasonings,Waldorf Salad, and quinoa with cinnamon, nuts and cranberries.

We drank Italian sodas out of champagne flutes that were garnished with frozen raspberries from my Grandmother's garden.

Yum!

My, my, how things have changed!

Speaking of my Grandmother.....

Last night she dropped off a special Valentines cake for me.

It's nice to be remembered by the ones you love!

Happy Valentines Day!

Dress Right, Dress

Just so you know...
For those of us with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...
Sometimes we struggle with issues regarding Safety, Trust, Power and Control, Esteem and Intimacy. 
Today I want to focus on Power and Control. 

Sometimes I want it to be "My way or the highway."

After living through events where I have had no control over what happened to me or my body, I have become hyper vigilant. 
It's like being super aware of the things that are going on around me.
Sometimes I pick a certain spot at a restaurant just so I can observe my surroundings.  I may be paying so much attention to what is going on around me, that I can't make a decision about what drink to order.
(Water is always fine.)
I startle easily at things some people wouldn't even notice.
I am on Alert!
My body is telling me that I am in danger, even if I am perfectly safe.

I cannot control what happens to my body.
The nightmares will come unexpectedly.
I  won't know why my heart is beating faster,
all of a sudden I feel my skin start to prickle as the rate of my breathing increases.
I feel clammy, and sometimes sick to my stomach.
Sometimes I feel like crying.

My brain is sounding the alarm.
"Invasion!"
"Take Cover!"
"Help the wounded!"
"Prepare for a mass casualty!"
"...there will be death..."
"Shut off your heart and focus, let your training take over."
That doggone brain or mine is having chemical warfare in my body, and I can't figure out why.

I don't know why this is happening until I look up and see a med evac helicopter that I hadn't noticed cruising overhead.
I didn't see it or hear it, but somehow my body registered the sound and associated it with memories of the past.
Or I identify an odor that brings back a particular memory.
Or the neighbors are shooting off fireworks to celebrate a special occasion.
Or my kiddos jumps on me when I am in a relaxed state.
 

Because of this, sometimes I want to be in total control of what happens in my life.

Is this possible? No...There are WAAAAAAAAY to many variables.

However, I still have the opportunity to choose.

So I choose to meticulously load my dishwasher.

Some of the things that have happened to me in my life, I can't change.

I can't wish, hope, or will them away.

They are what they are.

I am who I am because of my experiences.

I can still choose how I will react, regardless of what my body is telling me.
I can slow my breathing,
I can tell myself that I am safe,
I can distract myself,
 

I cannot change my past, but I still have a choice about what I will do with my future.

And sometimes I choose to exercise my power and control over my flatware.  

It will bow to my every whim, because not only do I will it,
I LOAD IT!
(most of the time)

If I want my plates, forks, spoons, knives and cups to obey my will, 

I simply have to put them where I want them.
They don't care.

On the OCD side of things you may ask....?

Maybe,
Helpful...Debatable.
My choice....absolutely!

For those of you wondering what it means to "Dress Right, Dress"
It basically means having everything in a perfect row looking nice.

Please enjoy the video below.

Missing?

Do You Ever Feel Like Something is Missing?

.....I Do

The Attic

The attic in my parents house holds many treasures.

We may tease Mom about hoarding, but I had no idea how many happy memories could come from a box.

Toys trigger memories of playing with my siblings. Some of my favorites were the Magic Nursery Dolls. Gifts that were given by my paternal Grandmother, who died when I was thirteen.

My heart lit up to remember the days before the Nintendo and other electronic entertainment; when the parents still had a 12 inch black and white TV with bunny ears.

As a small child I was given a Fisher-Price MEDICAL KIT.

(They still make them and they are quite similar.)

I thought that I had worn that thing out.

Somehow it survived the countless hours of check ups I performed on my sibling, the toys, and even myself.

It was my first interest in the medical profession. In kindergarten I had hoped to grow up and become a ballerina. But second to that I knew I wanted to be a Doctor!

No wonder I ended up a medic in the Army.

Happy New Year

Don't they know what fireworks do to me??? Why are celebrations so hard?

Happy Triggering!

Errr... what I mean is

Happy New Year!

I was singing this cadence to myself the night before we invaded Iraq as I watched the flashes

of light dart across the sky.  It was almost like shooting stars flying overhead.  Hmmmm......

I wonder what I shall dream of tonight.....?

The Sound of Artillery Cadence

Caller: What’s the sound of artillery? Group: BOOM BOOM!! Caller: What’s the sound of artillery? Group: BOOM BOOM!! Caller: Shoot move and communicate Group: BOOM BOOM!! Caller: Shoot move and communicate Group: BOOM BOOM!! Caller: Raining down on the enemy Group: BOOM BOOM!! Caller: Raining down on the enemy Group: BOOM BOOM!!

Sometimes it hurts.

 

So I went to the cemetery to mourn.

 

 

 



Life is an Adventure.

Life gets to be life,

and my blog gets neglected :(

I have always written about Birthdays, but the last two haven't made it.

 

I'll start trying to blog again. 

 

I know my readers like it.

It's easier to write when I feel like I am making a difference.

 

I am traveling right now. 

I am in Denver waiting for a flight out to Connecticut.

Tomorrow I will be meeting other women veterans for some out door adventure.

Right now I'm going to crash into the King sized bed that is waiting to be jumped on, and then slept in.