Balloons have been a family favorite for years.
Bear enjoyed them from the womb
while Bug played with them calling
Bagoons Bagoons
Just too cute!
So the other day I stopped off at the GOODWILL. I like to frequent local thrift stores to find some of their treasures. This time I located some
Bagoons. A whole box filled with them.
I imagined how much fun the boys would have with these little treasures.
(It's amazing how much fun a little piece of rubber can be)
But after looking at the price I was shocked.
5 bucks for some balloons?
Are you serious?
That's absurd!
So I did the same thing any self-respecting shopper should do.
(I learned this secret watching my mother)
It's also known as the Haggle!
Yes,
The haggle.
And talk about desperate it you are haggling the checker at the second hand store.
She had to get a manager.
We waited and waited for the man to come.
(as a side note I have done this before with NO success)
The long line of customers behind me also waited.
And waited.
for me
with ONE item
a five dollar item at that
When the manager arrived he looked at the balloons
and said,
"man I wouldn't even pay 5 bucks for these. She can have them for $1.99
I new my mother would be proud!
During middle school I learned some new skills
I had a friend named Charity who wanted to be a clown.
She rode a unicycle,
She could juggle,
she could do magic tricks,
and Charity could make balloon animals.
I tried and tried to ride the unicycle, and juggle, or even do magic,
But sadly,
I was never going to be a clown :(
I could however,
Twist balloons into all sorts of fun things.
Like the traditional sword
(a favorite for many little boys, including my Bear)
or the poodle.
(Bug wanted a family of three dogs, the red ones popped)
And who can forget the kissing love birds?
Although....there was a pink heart surrounding them.
But....
It popped too.
This time I tried a new creation.
The octopus!
And I still have skills
--------------------------------------------
on another note....
I had no idea how badly balloons would trigger my ptsd symptoms.
with every explosion I would jump.
It got worse as the day wore on.
The kids wanted to play for hours and hours and hours.
I was determined not to let my ptsd get the better of me!
So I indulged them,
and we played,
and played,
and played,
and played some more.
I had so much fun teaching them to blow them up,
and shooting the rocket ones across the room,
and sword fighting with bear.
It was stupendous!
Until it was time for them to have a sleepover at their dad's house.
That's when the effects of the day hit me.
Popping balloons sound an awful lot like small arms fire.
small arms fire reminds me of....
well you know.....
WAR.
By the time I laid my head down on my pillow I was so frazzled.
In my mind I could hear balloons popping, and machine gun sounding off in the background.
"No"
I would tell myself,
I'm at home, I am safe, I'm not in Iraq.
I was fighting an inner battle.
Each time I closed my eyes I was somewhere else, hearing things.
My body would even jump at these illusion sounds.
No matter what I did, I would still jump.
I was determined not to let them get the better of me.
I found that when I opened my eyes and concentrated on the wall,
the gunfire in my mind would stop.
It was exhausting.
How was I ever going to get to sleep?
Finally
Somehow
Sleep came.
And I was grateful.
I asked my Doctor about it.
He started spouting medical mumbo jumbo about the brain, and sub cortex,
and autonomic,
and
you can't control it.
Hmmmm
Not that I understood what he was saying,
But basically I got the jst that
sometimes our bodies respond to things without us making a conscious decision.
and before we know it our bodies have been filled with chemicals and hormones that cause our body to react a certain way
ie: rapid breathing
increased heart rate
hyper alertness
All of this can happen before we realize what is going on.
ptsd is not a conscious choice
something in your brain and body literally change.
Note to self: "do not purchase cheap, old, balloons!"
It has been seven years and one day since I entered Iraq.
