Saturday is a Special Day...

It's typically the day we get ready for Sunday!

Yesterday was a Jam Packed Day!

The kids had a sleepover with one of their friends.

Nobody got much sleep Friday or Saturday.

The washing machine overflowed.

Bear squirted me down with the hose.

And my boyfriend took me on a date.

Needless to say...

It was a busy day

And

I was exhausted!

So today....

Instead of going to church.

We all took a nap.

Bug fell asleep about an hour before church.

And Bear didn't make it much longer.

It was a LONG nap.

I didn't want them to be cranky because today is a special day!

There dad drove here from Georgia for a visit.

Only....

When I dropped the kids off for a couple hours,

And I found out that he moved here without telling us.

How weird is that?

No seriously...

Who does that?

I've also decided to add a journal entry from February 28, 2003

This is written from Camp New Jersey in Kuwait, just a couple weeks before the invasion of Iraq. We had a 5 person team that did the medical coverage for the camp. The head of our team was a doctor from San Antonio. He was a neonatologist. Don't ask me why they chose him to do combat medicine for soldiers....but they did.

(THEY is referring to the powers that be, who decide your life when you are in the military. Nobody really knows who they are, but they don't always use logic. In fact their decisions rarely make sense) I personally thought that he would have done more good back in the states caring for service members babies. But what do I know.

Anyhow,

We had a doctor and 4 medics.

We had some funny patients when we were there. It was stressful, and I had some fun too. It was nice to be doing my job instead of cutting grass, pulling gate guard, and other laborious duties back in the "rear."

28Feb2003

Today was a great day :) I really like it here. Our Aid Station is set up. For the most part I like the people I work with. We moved to a tent with temperature control, and life is just good.

Tonight is the 1st night I haven't gone to bed shivering.

3rd ID left Camp New Jersey today, and the 101st (Airborne) has started to come in. It really looks like there is going to be war. I'm not afraid. I have talked to others who are. I'm glad to know that the Lord will guide me and protect me.

The end....

I bet you didn't know that it is COLD in the desert of the middle east.

I froze until about May.

It is so nice to sleep in comfort.

And talk about not being afraid?

Maybe I was just naive to what was going on.

Maybe that's what happens when you are young and think you are invincible.

Maybe it's a way to cope with the stress and pressure of combat (and pre-combat).

Because seriously!

I had NO idea what I was in for, and how long lasting the affects would be.

I had no idea how my experiences overseas would leave such a mark.

I was was young and full of hope.

I had faith in people and humanity.

And I was literally blown away.

Not by gunfire,

Not by a mortar,

Not by an IED,

I was literally blown away by witnessing humanity at it's most raw and carnal form.

it was frightening!

The Two Week Torture

Every two weeks I embark on a journey.

This journey is to rid my upper lip of unwanted hair.

(I call him Pierre)

Ever since I can remember, I have sported the STACHE

(eww yuck)

It's not so bad if you have light colored hair.

But since mine is so dark....

It's disastrous.

Oh come on.

Don't tell me you haven't seen that old woman walking around sporting the stache.

Well that's definitely not going to be me.

I take care of mine every two weeks.

I also have a few black hairs that sprout out of my chin every now and again that I get with the tweezers.

(those little buggers are stubborn)

When I was pregnant with my boys, there was so much more testosterone floating around in my body that I had to take care of those chin hairs regularly!!!

(the joys of Pregnancy)

Oh come on....

Don't be grossed out.

ALL women have body hair in unwanted places!

Some just take care of it better than others.

As a teenager going through puberty my mom advised to just pluck them.

Ouch!

Yikes!

They were only dark on the edges, but still.

I have found a much better way of taking care of Pierre.

WAX!

I use GiGi Creme wax that you can Nuke in the mi-cronic-wave

It's lasted me forever.

I bought it at Sally's

This is where it goes...
Right over Pierre.

It's a lovely shade of soft pink.
(probably trying to trick you away from the pain)



Oh boy... because the pain comes.


And with one fell swoop!

half of Pierre is gone!



Check out that suckah!
I'm free for two more weeks

And now both sides of Pierre are gone.

Mostly

The wax doesn't always grab all the hairs, but I take care of the rest

with

TWEEZERS

Can't get away from a little tweezing

See?

So fresh and so clean clean!

(kissably kleen)

hint hint

But before any smooching....

I apply ALOE Lotion

No! this isn't one of those fake milk mustaches,

This is tingly lotion that smells like

Yellow Starburst!
It takes away the inflamed-skin-RED-Pierre

that shows up in its place!

And don't forget the much needed baby oil.

Baby oil is great for removing unwanted wax.

No one wants a sticky face after waxing.

Ahhh....

All done! and I look great!

Oh wait....

I forget that in two weeks I have to do it again.

When will I be able to afford laser hair removal?

Who knows.

Maybe never.

I hope it's not never

because...

I don't want to end up looking like this

(after a sandstorm, I'm covered with sand March 2003)

Riding on a Bradley

(definitely don't want to sport a stache like that)

Or even worse like that!

But what's a girl gonna do if she is 1/2 a world away with no wax.

You wanna know what I did.

......I shaved Pierre

Sick Huh!

Actually when I was in Kuwait and Iraq,

I decided to try growing out my armpit hair.

That was interesting.

It got pretty long,

But in the end.

I decided that I don't think I have any french in me,

And decided

that the pit hair had to

GO

Until next time....

TV.....Who Needs it???

There is about a million other things I would rather do than watch TV

Like blow bubbles with bubble gum.

And Snug my BUG!

And kiss his cheeks that aren't as soft as they used to be.
He's starting to do the "Maaaahm..."
Like he's getting to big for my kisses.
Also saying.
"....That's B'Skusting"

But there are a few times a decade when I miss the boobtube.

I miss the Olympics.

The Olympics were a treasured time during my childhood.

Gymnastics during the summer

and

Ice Skating in the Winter

These are the times during the last ten years that I have missed having TV.

oh....and the "improve your house shows"

I miss those too,

But there are too many commercials.

I just want to see the beginning, and then see the finished Product.

Now don't get me wrong...

We have a Television Set,

We just don't have any channels.

I have a few dvd's collected over the years.

Most are Bernstein Bears and Franklin the Turtle.

A nice lady in our neighborhood donated a few old VHS video's

And.....

When I was in the Hospital in CA this summer the library was giving away all of their VHS,

So.....

I snagged a sack full for the kids.

All in all...

I'm not such a fan of the TV.

There are so many things I'd rather do.

(or maybe I just keep too much on my list)

Like take my kids to the Zoo

(Bear and Bug loved the Lions and Tigers)

And riding bikes....

(They are both getting SO good on the bikes)

And walking across a rope bridge and feeling it sway with Bear

Or watching an Elephant play as Bug snapped shots with the camera.

Or spend time with friends who value some of the same passions!

(Like Home birth, Breastfeeding, Baby wearing, Composting, Eating good food, Canning Jalapenos Making homemade jam and loads of other things)

And letting Bear play with the camera....

He actually got a couple of cute shots.

And taking an adorable baby for a ride on my back.

(I miss it when they are little and snugly)

And playing with my boys before bed time.

Isn't there so much more fun you could have if you didn't watch TV too?

Passions

I remember having a conversation with my mother one day.

This was back in the day.....before I knew that I was human and prone to weakness.

I was invisible!

err...

or maybe

Invincible!

And I really believed I was.

I went to war,

I didn't die.

I thought I had endured hard things.

I thought I knew it all.

I told her that it didn't matter what I do with my life because

I knew I would be good at whatever I put my mind to.

I am an extremely passionate person!

I like to put my heart and soul into things.

When I come to an opinion that is research and experience based....

There isn't much that can change my mind.

Like for instance....

Natural (unmediated childbirth)

Breastfeeding

Mothering

Riding my bike for 500 miles

Joining the army

Music

Art

Love

Friendship

School/Education

Childhood

Soft Sheets to sleep in.

I'm a pretty passionate person.

I think sometimes I come off as a little intense and overbearing.

It's just because.

I know what I like,

I know what I want

And I want it right Now!

Now it's time to work on patience.

Sigh!

Deep Breath

Maybe that's one reason I became a Mother.

I think that maybe I needed a little dose of

"you're not so perfect, and you aren't always right, and can't always be right"

I thought I was pretty confident,

But this motherhood thing is pretty hard.

I just want to do it right.

So, today....

I decided to blow off my homework that was due,

(even though I know I'll get my first B since going back to school)

And I took the kids to the park.

Bug and Bear rode over 2 miles on their bikes today!

Yay!

Maybe I still need work on patience,

But today I chose to prioritize!

I had a fantastic afternoon playing with the kids,

And I'm OK with getting a B!

Wow....

At least I'm making progress in some areas!

Better than Last Year

This time last year I was a disaster!

No, Seriously

You can ask Loo

(She's my cute and spunky little sis)

Why? you may ask?

Because this time of year has been hard for me since 2003.

And what happened in 2003?

I went to war

or...

At least I was preparing for war.

To night I had an sense of foreboding.

It's like that feeling like you think something bad is going to happen.

I noticed that I was closing off and at the same time my senses became super alert.

I fell this overwhelming sense to protect.

I heard a sound, and automatically my heart started racing

And I was prepared.

uh..

Prepared for what!?

Oh you know....the broom outside falling over and hitting the window.

Jumpy,

Startled,

Confused

Those are all things related to ptsd.

I'd like to share a journal excerpt from February 18th 2003

(and PS. Happy Birthday a Day Late Brother)

18Feb2003

"It's Kendall's 22nd Birthday today. I want to call home. Haven't called home since we were in Germany.

Just another day in Arifjan. We had briefings today @ the DFAC. I did laundry today and talked to a guy who haw been in the marines 19 yrs. He must have been high up in rank, but I didn't ask.

I want to go to church. It's Tuesday, But I really want to find someone who is LDS. I know with 10,000 people, there has to be. Church is at 13:30 on Sundays, but last Sunday I was working...

Later I wrote...

Being here is is starting to become so much more Real! I fell asleep about 3 hrs ago, and about an hour ago, I woke up to someone in my face with their mask on. So I sat up and grabbed my mask, but I was all disoriented from my sleep. I really honestly thought we were getting gassed, and I was freaked out. It was like I couldn't remember what to do. I kinda held my breath; but not really.

MY MASK WON'T SEAL!

It had a leak around my chin, and it digs into my face on the right side. I told SPC Jen Surdyk and te talked to SGT Gautreaux. She came over and re-tightened my mask, but it was still leaking.

We have a chemical company next to us and we went and got them and they told me I needed to have a special mask ordered. We talked for a good bit, but then the lights went out. After that I couldn't hold it in anymore and I dried. I'm afraid. I could die if we got gassed.

I'll be ok, I'll be ok ,I'll be ok. Things will get fixed....."

It's kinda eye opening when I go back and read what I wrote 7 years ago. Seven.

It was so scary. We lived in huge warehouses with tons of other people. There were concrete bunkers where we were taught to go in case of a Scud attack. Everyone thought we were going to be gassed. Every time we heard the sirens we didn't know if it was real, or a false alarm.

Just so you know.

It's not so fun living in fear of being gassed.

I bet it's one of the worst ways to go.

I was terrified of dying by poisonous gas when I was in Kuwait and Iraq.

I found comfort in the Scriptures

II Timothy 1:7

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

I knew (and still do) that my Heavenly Father loves me. And that he would protect me. I found peace in the words of the Scriptures and my prayers to my God.

I don't have time to be depressed or have PTSD.

For those of you who would like more information about mental illnesses you can check out

The National Alliance on Mental Illness

and

The National Center for PTSD

and for those who have experienced

Military Sexual Trauma

Question of the Day.

Why are anniversaries so hard?
Now, when I say anniversaries I don't mean the days that you celebrate when you met your significant other, or a day that commemorates a happy moment......I talk of the ones that remind you of horror and death, or abuse and trauma.
So I ask why are they so hard?
Why do I feel so helpless and lonely?
How is it that my body and my subconscious can remember what happened years ago even if my cognitive mind can't?
Why is it so hard?

You know those green wool military blankets?

I think they are awful....

They do have a couple good characteristics........They sure can soak up a lot of blood.

But it's not so fun sleeping under them because you are freezing, and death encrusted blankets are the only thing you have to keep you warm....

GROSS! Who wants to sleep with death surrounding them keeping them warm? It's funny how appealing they looked when I thought I would freeze to death. You never know what kind of lows you are willing to sink to in the abyss of world turmoil.


Good luck all....

And my Baby Turned THREE!!!

Late Night Preparations

Tomorrow is a very special day.

My baby Bear will be turning 3!

Here are the fruits of my late night preparation. I think it will be a wonderful day.

Tomorrow is a special anniversary for me as well.

It was a day that God answered my prayers,

....and made it possible for me to have a healing birth.

Grandma Rolls

Sunday was a pretty awesome day.

We didn't have church until noon, so I decided to be productive

And....

Made dinner early.

I roasted up the crockpot.

Put the rice in the rice steamer

and....

Made the dough for 'Grandma Rolls'

These famous rolls come from my Grandma Jean.

She makes them for all sorts of family gatherings.

And they are DIVINE!

Bug enjoyed rolling, flouring, and smashing his dough.
He was quite detail oriented when he was making his "pizza"
Which consistede of a circular piece of dough that he put "peperonis" made out of dough on top.


Bear on the otherhand.....
Was completely intrigued by the texture and taste of the dough.

He also ended up wearing more of the four

And we made six panfulls of rolls.

We were so excited that we took some to our hometeacher.

Who is a tremendous support to our family.

Love ya Bro H.