Overcoming Fear

Earlier this week a girlfriend of mine invited me to go to Sedona with a group of her family on Thursday I LOVE Sedona, and the thought of taking my kids to slide rock sounded awesome. But as the week progressed I began feeling more and more hesitant about going. I told myself that it would just be too hard with two little ones, but after doing some digging into my ptsd symptoms I really found out that I was avoiding the whole idea.

(avoidance is a major contributor to ptsd) just so you know.

So I decided to ask why?

and I answered myself because it's not safe and it will be too hard.

What's not safe?

Being around all those people.

Really why not?

Because I'm uncomfortable, and what if I can't easily leave if I start to panic.

So what?

uhhh....because I feel safer when I am in comfortable surroundings.

Of course you do.

The conversation went on and on until I realized that I was avoiding something that I knew deep down could be fun. Still not wanting to go, I committed to my friend and my kids that we would be going.

I could argue all day with reasons why my ptsdfriend didn't want to go. (driving is stressful, what if something happens, what if the kids get away, what if something happens in the canyon or someone gets hurt, what if there is a rock slide and on and on and on.)

So I Went.

With anxiety in my heart and determination in my head, I was going to beat it.

And you know what??? It was stressful. I was right. The drive was stressful, being around the crowds of people was stressful, and even watching the kids venture into the water was stressful.

But guess what? I made it, and I even had a pretty good time after a few hours to get settled in. It was fun to see the boys venture off and play in the water. Bug really liked going down the natural water slides. Bear did lots of hiking in and around the water. I even did a little cliff jumping. (I even took both boys off of a ten footer). I was feeling adventurous and climbed over to the high cliffs and jumped off of a 35 foot cliff. I didn't stand and hesitate, I waited for some people to move, and then off I lept. It was a rush and it was totally fun. I haven't done something like that in a Long time. After that jump I felt much better and really enjoyed myself.
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because I wasn't afraid.

All that piddly stuff I was afraid of wasn't even real fear. Jumping off of a 35 foot cliff into snow melt river water should give some cause for fear. Not a fun afternoon with family and friends!
And so, something switched for me. (and I'm grateful)

I enjoyed myself.

and part of me healed.

To anyone who may be reading, "Good luck on your Journey!"