Have you ever had a Panic Attack?

...well of course you have, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this blog....and I'd even go as far as to say you wouldn't be human if you hadn't ever experienced a panic attack.  The thing about PTSD induced panic is that you really don't have any control over how your body will react to a certain stimulus.  As my Dr. tries to explain to me.  "you could hear a sound of a helicopter, and not even notice it, but your autonomic nervous system has already picked it up and has been releasing chemicals before you know what hit you. You can' control it! It's a normal reaction! Your body is preparing for a mass casualty, and you wonder why your heart is beating fast, as you sit at home safe with your children."

What do you mean I can't control it? Don't you know that us folks with ptsd have serious issues with power and control?

I know he would reply with something like
"you can either ride the roller coaster, or fight it with white knuckles and be miserable."

 So......Last week I took Bear and Bug to the Phoenix Children's Museum. It was an absolutely amazing place to watch my children explore and discover things with their imagination. 

They have an exhibit of hanging noodles.  You know those pool noodles that people use to float on.  Well they have about a million of them hanging from the ceiling. 

When my brother and I were little, we would have loved to play hide n' seek, or tag in those things.  The looked absolutely awesome!

So I decided to follow as my children plunged through to the other side.

.....

Oh wait a minute...

I could feel the panic as soon as my face first hit the noodles. 

"where am I?, this is not safe? I can't easily defend myself in here, I haven't been on a recon of the area and a whole lot more of the Blah Blah Blah that runs around in my head.

I was about to talk myself out of it...

But I plunged forward.

I felt terrible anxiety,

I didn't like it,

BUT I DID IT.

That's the important part.

I concord something that was fearful to me.

Am I still alive?

Yes, of course I am,

Did I enjoy it?        Not really,

but I did it.

And I encourage you to step into the uncomfortable and conquer some of your fears.

I never knew that taking my boys to the Children's Museum could be so triggering.

They had a grand time.
My bear posed for a pic in front of the awesomely decorated recycling bin.

Bug, pretended not to smile,

But the real fun came when they found a castle to paint.

And some artwork to discover

 They even did a puppet show for mom.

All I'm saying is....Life can be scary
and it's not so fun to live with PTSD,
but you can do it.
all you need to do is BELIEVE and BREATH

You are no longer in a combat zone, and weather it be Walmart, the Grocery Store, Driving down the highway, or spending some time in the emergency room of a hospital.  It's not war,
It's life....

...And life is good.