Reclaiming my Anniversaries

I have spoken about anniversaries before, but for those of you who are new to my journey, I will explain.  When I speak of anniversaries, I am talking about the times of the year where it is the hardest for me. Usually happens from February through July.  My body seems to remember the traumatic events of years past and my PTSD symptoms get worse.  The nightmares increase and intensify, my mood is sour, my body is jumpy.  Sometimes I won't even know why I am feeling so terrible, and then I will wonder..."where was I (X) number of years ago?  Was anything happening?"  I will then remember and relive part of my trauma.  Many combat soldiers have the same experience at the time of a particular battle, when close comrades have died.  Sights, Smells, Sounds, and Feelings flood our bodies. 

Anniversaries are usually the time of the year where you make sure that life is less stressful, because you know how hard it is going to be to relive those memories. 

And so....that is exactly why I have decided to reclaim my anniversaries.  They will still be a time of mourning the loss, but I have specifically planted new seeds around my worst events....Like this wedding that will be happening next week.  It is around the same time that I participated in the invasion of Iraq.  I want to have happy memories that come along with the sad ones.  It's ok to have different emotions. 

And so....I will reclaim some of the days.

It started small with July 5th.  That is the day that I celebrate MY independence.  It is the day that my divorce was finalized and filed with the records department at the court.  I used to cry and be sad because I thought that all of my dreams were shattered and I was left alone.

So now, I purposfully plan happy thing around my anniversaries.  I want to have something to celebrate along with my memories.....

so lets party, and know that it's ok to feel good on the days that your body tells you, you are supposed to feel mad or sad.