Tapering Off

Wednesday

Wendnesday was my last day of riding before I leave. I've slowly been cutting back on my riding so that I am fresh and ready for the Golden State Challenge.

This Bike is awesome :) It weighs less that my kids. I think I am going to fly on it :)

I'm excited about all of your love an support. Feel free to leave a comment, or words of wisdom.

Bear decided to wear his pj's till after lunch time.

I had some numbness in my right hand as I rode.

NOT GOOD!

I only did ten miles or so.

Bug decided to join the fun on his bike.

The Five P's

In the army there is a acronym known as the five P's.

Prior

Planning

Prevents

Poor

Performance!

So.....To get ready for the trip to California, I spent the day with details.

I tend to get anxious and stressed out with packing. Especially Last Minute Packing.

So the goal for today was to make sure that the kid's bags were packed. This involved making sure that ALL the laundry in the home was done.

I have a system of laying out everything that the kids may possibly need.

Long-Sleeve's (Check)

Short-Sleeve's (Check)

Pants, Unders, Shorts, Socks, Shoes, Church Clothes, PJ's, Towel, Bathing Suit (Check)

What have I forgotten?

Hopefully nothing.
Bug thought it would be a good idea to come jump on the bed and land directly in the pile of neatly arranged clothes.

I like things Dress-Right-Dress, and very laid out so that I can visualize everything I'm packing.

Call me OCD, or maybe it's just a carry over from all of the Pre-Combat inspections (PCI's) that I did when I was in the Army.

Aunta Loo Loo's was kind enough to chauffeur the kids and I around to the library and the grocery store. I don't want to forget to turn in the library books and end up with a late fee while we are gone.
I know, I know,
I can renew the books online if all else fails,
but.....
I think that my mind will be preoccupied with how my bootie is handling the saddle, and how much my muscles are going to be burning.

The kids had better get comfy in those seats, It's a long drive from here to California.
I wonder how my parents made it every summer when we were little.

Perhaps there will be more Planning and Preparation on the agenda for tomorrow.

Road 2 Recovery

Let the Biking Begin!

Friday is the Big day :)

I fly to California for my Big Ride

Check it out at

http://r2rriders.com/California.asp

I will be spending the week of October 4th through the 10th biking the California coast with other wounded warriors. We will begin in San Francisco and end in Los Angeles. Can you believe it?The ride is long, and I am nervous and excited all at the same time.
When I was a teenager I watched a news clip about a husband and wife who rode their bikes across the United States. They packed everything they needed on their bikes and slept in fields. I don't remember much, but I remember thinking that it must be awesome to accomplish something like that.

I can't say that I have biked much since I was a kid, but this summer I spent almost 3 months in the Women's Trauma Recovery Program for PTSD in Menlo Park California.
Recreation and exercise was part of our program.
After a few weeks to get aclamatized I was cleared to ride the bikes with the Men's PTSD Program.
Someone, (I don't know who) had donated several top-quality road bikes.
I can't say as though I have ever spent much time hunched over on a bike like that. At first I found it wobbely and uncomfortable. As time went on I really began to love the biking.
Facilitators at the PTSD program have made it possible for me to participate in this ride with other military members and riders from all over.
Did I mention it's almost 500 miles?
Awesome Huh!
For those of you from my family, it's farther than biking to Las Vegas!

Super big thanks to all those who have supported me.

If If my muscles have not turned to Jello, I will try to post some pictures of my Ride to Recovery.

The Mammogram

So....Not to freak any of you out, but my Dr. found a lump in my breast at my annual exam. Was I worried????
No,
Do I know of ANY relative who has had breast cancer? Besides My father's brother's wife's paternal father, who isn't even related by blood.
And besides...quite frankly, I'm not dead by the trials life has dealt me yet, so why should the thought of breast cancer scare me.
Chop it off if you must. Just leave me one to nurse future children.
But seriously I had no idea what I was in for when I went to my appointment at "THE BREAST CENTER" oooooo.....I think it gives most people the shivers.

I have heard stories of the "Boobie munch"
Not all are pleasant, so....I did not know what to expect.
I arrived at the hospital and searched for this breast center for over 15 minutes. Luckily I was early, because I had no idea where it was. Finally I decided to park in one of the parking towers, and just to my luck someone was pulling out on the first floor just as I was coming in.
Perfect.
Front Row Parking.
I proceeded to the main entrance of the hospital to gain directions to the ever elusive boob place. I was given directions and went outside. There were tinted, automatic, sliding doors with the words Breast Center over them. I wasn't sure if that was the right place because it was not very visible.
I entered one set of automatic doors,
And then another.
Both were tinted.
I found my eyes adjusting to the dim light inside.

You know how they say never judge a book by it's cover? Well never judge a breast center by what you see on the outside. I was extremely confused and surprised when I arrived down town phoenix for my appointment.
I looked up at the ceiling to see inlaid lighting with crown molding all around. There were large pieces of fancy art work, and comfy plush chairs. At the far end was a desk (real wood) where a receptionist sat.

The whole place looked like a waiting room for a day spa, or some kind of fancy resort. Not at all what I expected for a medical facility where they smash women's breast so they can use radiation to detect early signs of breast cancer.
Of course I was the only woman below forty (way below many even higher) but still, there were only about 4 or 6 in the waiting room.

I filled out my paperwork and thankfully was able to check NO to things like
Have you ever had a hysterectomy?
or Implants?
or tubal ligation?
Reduction?
Previous mammograms?
Former Mastectomies?
Breast Reconstruction?
yuck!
Maybe I did have a reason to fear. The things on the form sounded awful.

While I was waiting to be called back for my "service" I decided to browse through the magazines on the glass side table by my comfy chair.

Man, it must suck to get old and have all kinds of social pressure. All I found in these magazines were procedures for liposuction, pinch this, pull that, creme this, diet that, youthful something else, g-shot wonders, plastic, paper, silicone, and even your own adipose tissue (which is another name for fat).
All I thought was great, this is what we market to the generation of 40 and above. What a slap in the face for age and grace. That's messed up.

My brow was furrowed and my breathing had become heavy as I was angry to see what society was pushing on women who are getting mammograms. RIDICULOUS.

At that moment they called my name. When I stood, the lady paused, looked me up and down, raised one eyebrow, and said "Follow Me."
Past the door that read "No Gentleman or Children Beyond this Point"
Hey! I know I look young, but I did have an appointment. And even though sometimes I have the heart of a child, I am a woman.

Shock and Aww met me as I walked the hallway with this nurse. It was like being in a day spa.
Women in expensive white robes were

All I was thinking was, "Man, it this that bad that they have to make the facility so nice to distract from the procedure......or is this just some weird way of pampering women 40 and older once a year?"
Weird.

I was shuffled into a dressing room. The nurse with an extremely thick Spanish accent began giving me instructions on how to change, and how to use the lock. I was nodding my head because I thought I could figure out on my own. Her accent blurred most of what I thought was intended to be English. But I thought I would "do as monkey do" and follow what I had seen the other patients do.
That was until she said.
"Are you wearing Deodorant Ma'am?"
"excuse me?" I replied.
"Are you wearing deodorant" she came again.
(um.....do I stink or something) was what entered my head as I hesitantly replied "Yes".
"Alright here you go." as she handed me what looked like a moist towelette.

I couldn't figure out if it was to remove the deodorant, or if it was to help the technicians be overwhelmed by natural human scent.

So dutifully I wiped off my deodorant, wondering at the same time what I was going to smell like after a hot car ride home.....

I changed into my rob and had a seat in a chair and browsed a magazine.

I was called to an ultrasound room by a schoolmarmish looking woman. She was sturdily built and looked like she meant business.

And she was.....

All down to business

"How long have you felt this lump?"
Uh.....My Dr. found it.
(I was a little intimidated by her viking woman appearance)
And that was....about a week ago.
"Alright! Show me where it is"

School Marm felt the lump and squeezed an AMPLE amount of lube to my left breast. Ample may be a little bit misleading. I thought I was practically swimming in KY.
Lucky for me it was warm.

I felt a little anticipation as I looked at the screen and watched a hallow tear shaped spot appear. A little more so when she measured it.
Several more small tear-shaped spots appeared as she waved her magic wand of sound waves over my breast.

"It looks like a cyst."
Uh....Ok
I will take this to the Doctor and see if she wants to do a mammogram.

A little later she returned and said that mammograms aren't usually given to women my age because of our "Dense Breast Tissue."

Ah....lovely words.
Despite being pregnant, nursing for three and a half years. Gaining Seven (7) Cup sizes, and then loosing five (5), still leaving me with an ample breast, and I still have "Dense Breast Tissue"

Hallelujah, I don't have to worry about the reconstructive magazines in the foyer for a few years, because, despite the changes and droops I have noticed in my breast, Medically.....I am still considered to have dense breast tissue, thus disqualifying me from a mammogram.

Another good word. No boobie munch. I was somewhat excited to join the women who have had the infamous mammogram. But sorry ladies, I will have to join you at a time when the collagen and elsastin, and the connective tissue and the glands have become a little less "dense."

She then told me about fibrocystic breast disease, and how I needed to lay off of the caffeine.
"But I don't drink caffeine" I responded.
(I love it when people give you a diagnosis and assume your social history because of it.)
"Not Soda?"
"No"
I also added "No to coffee, tea, or anything else."
"What about chocolate?" she countered
"Well.....I guess I occasionally have something with chocolate in it, but not to excess."
Again came the raised eyebrow.

Fine, don't believe me I thought to myself. Only I will really know what I do or do not ingest into my body.
(unless Aunt Loo is counting my caloric intake)
From now on I must resort to painful lumpy breasts. Great........

She proceeded to tell me that I would "KNOW" If it were cancer. "How will I know?"
"Oh, Trust me hon, You'll know"
Well that was informative.

"Well what do tumors look like?"
"Swiss cheese." She replied Promptly.
"Swiss Cheese?" I responded with puzzlement.
"Yes, swiss cheese."

Alright then....So as long as I'm not growing cysts that look like swiss cheese I'm alright.....I guess I will pray for clear breasts with no swiss cheese. However, I do wonder if Cheese can be made from breast milk. Who knows, maybe some day I will be able to shock the school marmish looking tech.

I returned to my dressing room and changed out of my soft robe, feeling a little puzzled by the experience of Not having my first mammogram.

I wonder if it is as big of a spa-like deal for men during their turn-your-head-and-cough exam? I bet they aren't given pretty gowns and warm lube, plush seats, pillows and fancy art work to enjoy their visit.

Good luck ladies on your next annual visit to the Breast Center.

The Day I Could Fly

There is something magical about flying

I wonder if mankind is trying to reach the heavens.

Bug and Bear tried to reach God via mom's and Aunta Loo Loo's Feet.

Spectacular

It probably turned out to be more of a laughing experience rather than a spiritual quest.

That may be in part to the tickling done by our tootsies.

Notice the new artwork on the wall?

It's an interesting tree that goes with my color scheme, and I love it.

(I hope I tweezed my toe hairs.....)

:)

Or atleast they aren't shown by my camera....

hehe

But, with this much tickling and fun there is inevitably a crash that will happen.

(It actually happened several times, which was followed up by tickles and rolling around on the floor) Quite magical if I do say so myself.

I Needed Flowers

I have been having Anxiety lately. It started last Saturday. I decided that a lack of sleep isn't a good thing for me. It throws me off, it throws my kids off, it makes my PTSD symptoms worse. (Oh yeah, COLD makes my symptoms worse too)

So I had plans to take the kids to an indoor tree house with a friend and her son, but that was shot down the crapper by the thumping in my heart called anxiety.

I ride it like a wave.

Sometimes it ebbs,

Some times it flows....

and sometimes it even CRASHES!

I did make it to church on Sunday even though it was a struggle.

I would imagine with all of those years of performing in musical concerts or plays, or piano recitals would have curred me from anxiety, but no. It hasn't.

The nervous butterflies in the stomach feels similar to Anxiety, only intensify it, and then add a feeling of impending doom.

That pretty much sums it up.

On Memorial Day the kids and I were invited to some of my Dad's cousin's house for games, swimming, food, and good old-fashioned family FUN.

I wanted to go.

Really I did,

But....

I was so anxious.

There are times when it's hard for me to be in public.

Sometimes I put on a show....errr......a smile so that people will feel comfortable around me,

but that's not the real me.

The real me avoids situations where people will ask me questions.

I don't want to think about the questions,

And I especially don't want to think about the answers.

I hate to be lonely,

but

a lot of the time

I like to be By Myself.

It's easier that way.

So I decided on Monday to take the kids and go buy myself some flowers.

I went despite the anxiety, and found joy in a fun bouquet.

They add color to my kitchen and I love it :)

There is something soothing about things that grow from the earth and are colorful.

And I played with my Man Cubs

Four Years

I Can't Believe It's Been 4 Years!The morning started off right with Bug coming to Snuggle me in my bedroom.
Followed by a table full of gifts.
I'm of the opinion that you should open them in the morning so that you have all day to play with the things that you get.

Bear enjoyed blowing the party favors from G-ma

The Dog waited patiently outside

And then once again the traditional Pancake.
This morning they were especially delicious because of the fresh Strawberry Jam that Loo and I made a while back.

Yum....

(I wonder what a four year old wishes for)

All I know is it better come true, because we lit those candles over, and over, and over again.

(which is also tradition)

Then Church.

Oh, so Handsome

Gotta love little boys dressed up nice.

Patience is not one of my children's virtues (yet)

I peaked over the counter to a surprise.

I guess Bug and Bear could not wait another minute so sing Happy Birthday yet again, so they carefully prepared the cake.

In the end Loo was able to make the proper age-to-candle proportionate.

And wishes again.

Frosting....

Some kind of weird creation.

And more mess, but more contained.

Disaster, and yet cute enough to photograph

And the Miraculous part of the whole day is I wore white, and it didn't get ruined!

After all...tomorrow is Labor Day, and some kind of fashion person made the rule of

"No White after Labor Day"

So....Loo and I both wore white today in celebration of the last day of the year that it is socially acceptable to wear it.

Until Next time......

Rain

Last night it rained

And we played in it

Bear touched it

It rains so little here.

So even though it was after bed time.

I let the little ones out to get soaked in the front yard.

They splashed in puddles in the gutter

And I was happy

Big Helpers

It's official,

We have perfected our Banana Smoothie.

Ingredients:

Milk (sometimes it's soy, and sometimes it's cow)

Two scoops of Vanilla Protein Powder

Several Handfuls of fresh Spinach

Frozen Banana's

And I had some awesome helpers....even the dog wanted to share in the fun.

I can't believe that Bear will drink spinach.
Hallelujah

And our adventure was beautified by orchids.

Hair Therapy

I bet that not many of you know that I had pink hair. Not just pink, but pink BUZZED hair....with bangs. I think pink looks good on me. What do you think? (I bet Brandon and Jason would have a cow....or at least some fun comments)

I had some crazy colors last summer. I did blond, pink, platinum, purplish, but brown is quite nice.

However.....Looskie (another name for Loo) keeps talking about a hair color change for herself....and I'm wondering, contemplating, and even thinking seriously about some other fun color. What will it be I wonder???

Loo looks good as a blond....after all it is her natural color.

We shall have to see.........

Marbles and Memories

Off to Play Land (aka the bedroom) they go....

To discover Engineering

This morning was a little bit of a hard morning.

Little boys can be destructive.
But I decided to make destructive constructive.

And decided to share with my children one of the things that I enjoyed from my childhood.

And that is...

My dad was the MASTER of the Marble Shoot

He could do anything, and he was always so patient with us.

Some of my earliest memories are of my dad building marble shoots out of blocks.

This morning we built a cool marble shoot.

The cool thing is that I got these toys for free.

One man's trash is another man's treasure.

So here in AZ they have bulk trash pick up once a month.

You can leave practically anything outside your door and they come and scoop it up with a tractor and take it to the local dump.

I took the kids for a ride in the wagon one cool(ish) morning and found these

just sitting outside of someones house with their bulk trash

Ha Ha!!!!

What a find

And it was Free

And....I also found two swings. Just the rubber part, but still...

Now my kids can swing off the back patio....

for the price of chains :)

Back to the marble shoot...

So what is this piece anyway?

Weird.

Peek-a-b00

and Bug too

Hi Grandpa

Totally awesome.

There are like five places you can drop the marbles

Oh yeah, and there's me

CHEESE

I love it when they play well together...