Day 3

Exhaustion. Both mentally and Physically. Today was a tough challenge. We rode through Big Sur. It was an intense climb. I stayed going at a pretty good pace. The hills were steep and challenging. One of the experienced climbers rode beside me and put his hand on my lower back and gave me a push up some of the way. It was inspirational and motivational. I rode with some fun friends. We even sang a little cadence.

I was starting to get a little discouraged because other riders kept telling me. "only 5 more miles to go, or only 2 miles to go, or the first rest stop is just over the summit on the down hill."

Well....It wasn't and I was beginning to wonder if the other riders were trying to motivate me by saying we were so close, or.....if we had missed a turn somewhere! Around every corner it seemed like more and more steep climb. My thighs really got a work out. Major thanks Chris at the Spinning Class. It really helped on today's climb.

So I stopped at the rest stop and the view was magnificent. Nice sites and food to consume. The wind was blowing and it was all in all a good stop.....

That is until the camera man showed up.

There is a guy with a camera who follows us around taking video all day. He has an assistant who follows him around with a light. It looks like a weird sort of entourage.

So he comes up and puts his camera in my face and says something about, "Hey (and then he inserted a shortened version of my name) Let's get the female perspective on things!" (now first of all I have already told the dude that I hate it when people give me a nickname that I don't like. I would like to keep all of the syllables in my name thank you. Please don't drop the last two :)

So after I respond with some cheesy remark he asks me, "So are you a Wounded Warrior?" I kind of looked at him with a puzzled look for a long time.

He brushed it off and said that's OK, we can edit that part out and he asked again.

I couldn't answer....My eyes teared up my face got hot, my throat got tight and what was I supposed to say to this man? All I thought of was the day before we invaded Iraq, and a camera crew came up and said "So how do you feel about going to WAR!" (all enthusiastically) What do you mean how do I feel about going to war? I can't even say what I think because my feelings and beliefs did not coincide with the issued responses that public affairs drilled into our heads.
"Well, are you confident with your equipment?" I'm thinking to myself "Are you serious? My gas mask doesn't even seal. I'm afraid that I will be the only one doing the 'kickin chickin' if we get hit with gas" The thought of dying by gas exposure is probably up there on the list with burning to death in my mind.

So that's where my mind went when camera dude asked me if I was a wounded warrior. Then it spiraled down into events that took place in Iraq and people who didn't come back, and people who came back in pieces.
Being here with other Mentally and Physically injured vets brings hard memories much closer to the surface.

I was sad....and I cried....

Andrew tried to cheer me up and get me started, but all I wanted to do was get in the van. Not because I was tired, not because I thought my body couldn't handle it, but because my heart was hurting. It was mourning. Mourning the memories, and also the dreams. It hurt, it really hurt. Thinking of how dramatically PTSD and the memories have wounded me and changed my life so drastically.

So Andrew and I started out. And when the tears flowed to heavily that I could no longer focus on the road, I pulled over, stopped, sat down, curled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them and bawled. I cried for a long time. A long long time.

After a while a few riders stopped and a vehicle came to pick me up. I continued crying in car. It was a much needed cry. I stayed in the car until the last rest stop and then rode the west of the way in. I was feeling much better and had a good time with the two other riders.

One of the riders father had a heart attack and two strokes as we were finishing the ride. I was drafting behind him when the call came in. Please pray for Lew and his family during their struggle.

Many hugs and kisses to those who love and support me.

Thanks